Monday, September 24, 2012

Why All the Secrecy?

I'm having a bit of a former blogger dilemma here.  In the past, one of the main goals in blogging was to have other people read my work.  I posted links on my Facebook and Twitter, joined link parties, and commented on others' blogs, all to try to increase traffic flow.  I'm struggling with this a little bit with this blog because the writer/Leo/center of attention seeker in me wants people to read my words, but another major part of me doesn't want the people I know to be reading my thoughts about getting pregnant.

One of the main reasons I don't want to talk about this stuff with people  I know is that I have been pretty adamant over the past couple of years about not wanting kids.  Like in an every time the subject comes up I vehemently deny the desire to ever procreate kind of way.  Things certainly didn't change overnight, but due to my stubborn nature (see Leo, above) I have not wanted to admit that images like this one now warm my heart instead of make me squirm.  (Click pic for original source.)

How could anyone not squee at this pic?!?!

I know that when the hubs and I do decide to tell people we are trying (which we aren't yet, just seriously talking about it) I am going to get a lot of crap from those who have constantly listened to me express my opinion about not wanting kids.  I am particularly scared about revealing my secret to my bff, who is firmly on the no baby train and not getting off anytime soon.  I know she will be supportive because she loves me, but I also know it will be difficult for her to understand this time in my life.

Add all this to the fact that I have several friends who have been trying to get pregnant for a long time, to no avail, and just as many who have suffered miscarriages.  I do wonder how they may feel if I were to get pregnant shortly after trying.  I put myself in their shoes and imagine the situation would feel pretty crappy, and I would never want to cause pain to any of my friends.

I guess it all boils down to this:  there are many reasons to keep this decision to myself (and my husband and my mother, and maybe a couple of understanding friends).  Luring in blog readers is not a great reason to spill the beans, so for now, I gotta keep a lid on it :o)

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